Black Hole
by swagUPwindowsDOWN
Summary: Logan's been ignored by his friends and family. Everyone at school bullies him constantly. Everyone hates him. He's worthless. For ages he's been stuck in a black hole with no way of getting out. Will his friends and family finally see what they're doing or will Logan finally give up and leave them all for good? One shot dedicated to ALittleMoreCargan. Please read!


**Hey everyone! So, this is just a one shot filled with a load of Logan angst. A few nights ago I was feeling really upset, really down. I'm ok now, thanks to all the kind people I was speaking to on twitter saying repeatedly how I was worth it and I was great and a fantastic friend. I can't say how thankful I am to all of them. ALittleMoreCargan was one of them and she suggested I write all my thoughts down and write something. And that's how this one shot came along! I hope it's ok, I spent quite a few days just venting on it. I hope you like this because I'm actaully quite pleased with it. This will also be the last thing I upload before I go on holiday tomorrow.**

**I do not own Big Time Rush...I can only dream I do :P**

**I hope you enjoy and this story is indeed dedicated to ALittleMoreCargan and all those lovely people on twitter who helped me that night :)**

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**_No one cares about you. You're not good enough to be their friend. Look at you, you're ugly._**

Logan listened to the voice as he trudged down the frost ridden path. He had no choice but to listen to it anymore. It had come to him months ago and now it was there to stay. After all, it was the only company he could get anymore. Even if it did tell him all the things he already knew were wrong with him and more.

**_Why would they even want to hang around with you? You're no fun, you're boring. You're a loser._**

Logan's eyes pricked at the harsh yet truthful words. He had always been a loser; he hadn't had friends at all until Kendall, James and Carlos had saved him from those bullies in 3rd grade. He couldn't even stick up for himself. He just cried. That's all he ever did nowadays. He was such a wimp. He had never been as brave or strong as his friends and he never would.

**_Look at you; you're such a baby for crying. You're just attention seeking. A spineless coward._**

He couldn't have said it better himself. He didn't know where he was going; he just let his feet take him where they wanted. As if he was wanted anywhere anyway. His friends had stopped paying attention to him. All they did now was hang around with each other not him. Go out to movies, play a game of hockey down at the lake or go to parties together. But as a three, not a four. Not with him. Was it something he had done? Something he had said? **_Of course it was, stupid. Everything you do and say is a joke, they got fed up with you and decided to leave you alone. They never wanted to be your friends in the first place, but they saved you so little, nerdy, Logan Mitchell could do their homework for them. They talk behind your back whenever you're not there. Why don't you just-_**

He had thought about that a lot. Yes, it would make things so much easier, so much better for him and for everyone else. He didn't know when he had first had the thought. Too long ago to remember, that's for sure. It might have been after the first time he truly broke. The time when he had dissembled his dad's razor, taken the blade and let all of his anger, all of his fury out on his poor, unsuspecting arms. Now, he wouldn't go anywhere without wearing the long sleeves he had grown so used to. Last summer he didn't take of his shirt even to go swimming. **_Although, you don't look good in anything. _**No, he didn't. Everything was really baggy on him because was scrawny and bony, not an inch of muscle on him. Heck, even the girl's lacrosse team were stronger than him! He sure had the bruises to prove it. His life was a living nightmare right now. But of course, to anyone else, it would have been an easy problem to get over. Because they weren't scardey cats like he was. **_You're overreacting so much to this. It's not even a problem. Normal people would be able to get over it...but then again, you're not normal, are you?_** No he wasn't. He was a freak, a loser, a nerd, a coward. He was told that over and over at school. Every time it broke what little pieces of his shattered self-esteem he could find and quickly put back together, before it was broken up again. Like when you used PVA glue and don't wait for it to dry before holding your creation up, meaning everything falls off and you're right back to square one. **_Freak. Loser. Nerd. Coward. _**He believed it. It was practically printed on his forehead with a waterproof marker. Like a birthmark, it would never leave. This was who he was. Did he like it? Did he mind it? What do you think? He was-

**_Worthless._**

He knew it. His friends knew it. His family knew it. Everyone knew it. He was reminded every day at school of it. Why would they want him to stay? Why would they want him around anymore? It would affect no one. They'd be better off without him. They'd move on in no time. Who was he kidding; they wouldn't even need to move on in the first place. His mom and dad worked all the time, his friends had forgotten him (probably on purpose) and no one liked him at school. They had already moved on from him ages ago.

**_Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. _**

**_YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT! YOU'RE NOT WORTH THEIR FRIENDSHIP, THEIR LOVE. WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THEIR LIVES? FOREVER._**

He stopped when he felt his feet come in contact with a surface that wasn't the rough sidewalk or the frosted grass he had been so aimlessly treading on before. It was slippery and freezing. He hadn't been here in ages. He knew Kendall, James and Carlos had. They went here a lot to play hockey, without him. He stepped out onto the frozen over pond, feet unsteady because he wasn't wearing his hockey skates, but his worn, blue sneakers. He didn't realise how cold he was until now. Clad in nothing but a thin t-shirt and weightless pants, the thought of a coat had escaped him as he had walked out into the below freezing December weekend afternoon. Schools would be closed on Monday due to a harsh snow storm that was forecast from tonight onwards. Not that he would have anyone to spend his snow day with. He walked out further, the familiarity of the pond bringing both comfort and hurt. Towards one edge, the ice was thinner, less stable. Less able to hold weight. His weight. And he knew it. It was here that he found himself heading. Something about ending it all where he began swirled around in his mind, a carousel of hopeless, last thoughts. **_You know what you need to do, Logan. You know what you have to do. End it. End it all. _**

The ice was already giving, he could tell. He could hear it creaking, see it moving. And just as he had gotten to one of the weakest parts he heard...shouting. More than one person. Three? Four? Five? Maybe 6? Slowly, he turned around and his breath caught in his throat. It was them. Not only his friends, but Mrs. Knight and his parents too. Their voices began to reach his unused ears, turning his body further round.

"-gan! Logan! Please! Buddy, stop! Come back! We're sorry!"

"Don't do this! We're sorry! Logan, please!"

"Honey, come back! We'll sort this out! Please sweetie, please!"

And then one thing he'd thought he would never hear ever again from anyone.

"We love you!"

Was it true? Did they love him? Really? After all this time? All these months, they actually recognised his presence. They came to save him. He was about to shout back. About to say something. Going to walk over to them and see if they could put things right again. But then...**_they're lying to you. They don't care; they just don't want to look bad if you actually go through with it. You're worthless Logan, worthless! And now it's time to finish what you were going to do._**

He heard it first. The almost inaudible crack that seemed to echo around him. He looked at the ice; following a small trail of water slowly leak out from a tiny hole, leading up to a bigger line in the ice itself. Wait, line? A crack. A crack that was moving, slowly surrounding him. He looked up, panicked as it finally dawned on him that he didn't want this. He didn't want it all to end. He looked at his friends, seeing them already running out onto the ice, trying to find a safe route to get to him. He tried to take a step out to them. He didn't want to...die.

CRACK! SPLASH!

"LOGAN!"

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He was cold. Freezing. Lifeless. Was this what it felt like to die? He sank down feeling the icy water cut into him, this pain so much worse than it had been when he dragged that razor blade across his arms, so painful he wanted to die then and there. An agonizing scream sounded far away and as he sank further and further downwards, the icy water flowing through his ears he began to think: Why him?

"LOGAN!" they called him but he could barely hear, arms reached down trying to grab a fistful of his shirt, he could feel his vision dimming-he was dying-In an instant, the world went black.

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Someone was stroking his hair as a faint beep resounded every so often in his ears, which felt like they had cotton wool stuffed down them. Taking a chance to see how he actually felt, he realised his body ached all over, made even more painful when a strong shiver ran throughout his form. His head was pounding against his skull. He could feel mounds of fuzzy blankets on top of him and he shifted a bit, trying to get further down. Where was he? Why was he-oh yeah, he knew why he was there. **_You didn't succeed you stupid freak. You can't even do that right. You're a failure!_** Looks like the voice didn't go away when he fell into the pond. What had happened after he fell? There were so many questions buzzing through his head at the moment that he didn't know where to start, so he figured now would be the time to open his eyes and find out. That task in itself was extremely hard and painful. His eyelids themselves felt like they weighed 20 pounds each and when he finally cracked them open the littlest bit, his chocolate orbs were assaulted with powerful beams of light, so much so that he had to close them again. He heard some whispering and then from behind his closed eyes, he could sense that someone had dimmed the lights. Cautiously prying his eyes open again, he blinked rapidly to get them to focus. After a while, the blurry blobs changed into his three best friends, his parents and Mrs. Knight. They were here? In front of him? That hadn't happened in months.

They all smiled gently down at him, his mother resuming running her hand through his dark locks. He looked around the white room, taking in every machine he was hooked up to. He noticed he was buried under at least 5 fuzzy, warm blankets.

"How're you feeling honey? You sure scared us." His mom said softly. Logan's eyes looked round the room once more before staying on her.

"I'm sorry" he whispered. "It just become too much and...I didn't know what I was doing until I was on the ice, but I thought it didn't matter, it would all be over soon and you lot would be better without me. But, then I thought maybe you wouldn't and that you wouldn't be there if you didn't care. But then the ice-"he choked on a sob that was trying to make its way out of his mouth.

"Shh, shh, it's alright honey, you're ok, you're safe now. The boys managed to get you out and you were brought into the hospital. You've got a bad case of hypothermia, but your temperature is rising steadily and you should be allowed out in a few days. You've been asleep for about a day." His mother relayed the information to him. That would explain the sheer amount of blankets he was covered in.

"We're sorry" it was Kendall that spoke. Logan looked up to see his emerald eyes full of guilt and fear and looking at James and Carlos, Logan saw the same thing. "We ignored you, we left you out, we-we stopped being good best friends. We ignored you, when you were hurting and made you even worse. We helped make you...hurt yourself and almost...we almost lost you today because of our actions. We're so sorry Logan."

"Kendall's right." James continued. "We may not have been the only ones, but we still did it and we're the ones that probably made it hurt the worst. We're your best friends; we didn't act like that at all. We...there aren't words that can explain how sorry we are. We drove you to your limit, us, your best friends." He scoffed. "Guess we aren't worth of that title anymore. Sorry Logan, sorry."

"I didn't expect myself to do this. I'm always the one who could never turn my back on anyone, never hurt anyone. Just look at you. Because of us, you're in the hospital Logan, with hypothermia and-and emotional scars so deep, they'll take ages to get over. I'm so guilty Logan, everyone is, we all played a part in all of this. We let you down. "We're truly sorry."

Logan was about to talk, about to say something, anything to make them feel better, but then his parents had their go. His mom already had tears spilling over and for the first time in his life, he saw his dad on the verge of tears himself.

"Our baby, our baby boy almost...we're so sorry Logan. We haven't been good parents at all. We were always working and never at home. But that's going to change. I promise. We promise. We're going to get you help and...We're also going to get us as a family help too. We're going to get counselling for all of us as well as you. So we can know how you really feel about what we as parents did. We almost..." she started to cry and so his dad took over, holding his wife close in his arms.

"We can't believe we almost lost you son. We should have been there for you, but we were never there. We're going to change Logan. Your mom's cut her hours at work, she'll be home all the time you are and me-me, well I've changed jobs. It's better pay, but that's not why I did it, I did it because it means when I do work, I'll be working at home and I can get all the holiday I want. We're going to make this right." He patted his son on the shoulder and just as it looked like they were about to say even more, Logan spoke.

"For months I haven't been myself. It's like I've been stuck in this endless black hole and I couldn't get out. But...now you're here and now...we can find a way of making things right. I promise to get help. I've just had so many negative thoughts lately. I even thought I was worthless. However, now, now I know that maybe-no I'm not worthless." They all smiled and somehow everyone found their way into a massive group hug.

Logan felt safe now, he felt happy almost because his family were with him again. They weren't going to ignore him or forget about him. And he wasn't a freak. Or a loser. Or any of the other things he had thought he was before, they had helped show him that. **_But you are a loser Logan, you are a freak, remember? You're worthless and it's tru-_**

No. It wasn't true. And that stupid voice in his head couldn't convince him otherwise. Why, maybe it would go away, with time. For so long, he had been stuck in the empty, bottomless, depressing black hole. It had swallowed him whole and covered him completely. But now...

He had finally found a way out.

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**And that's it! I hoped you liked it and even though it's only a one shot, I would love a review. This is my first one shot and so it would be great to have feedback for future one shots that I could do. It helps to know you actually like what I write!**

**I won't be on here for 2 weeks, so see you after that and my other stories will be updated then. I hope you all have a great two weeks!**

**Once again I'm so grateful to the people who picked me up out of my personal black hole and helped me see the REAL truth, I owe you guys big time!**

**Thank you,**

**~swagUPwindowsDOWN :) x**


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